Missing the Royal Navy
Here’s how to recapture the atmosphere of the good old days &
simulate living onboard a Royal Naval ship once more!
1.
Build a shelf in the top of your wardrobe and sleep on it inside a
small sleeping bag. .
2.
Remove the wardrobe door and replace it with a curtain that’s too
small.
3.
Wash your underwear every night in a bucket and hang it over the
water pipes to dry.
4.
Four hours after you go to bed, have your wife whip open the
curtain, shine a torch in your eyes and say, “sorry mate, wrong
pit.”
5.
Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the centre of your
bath and move the shower head to chest level. Store beer
barrels in the shower enclosure.
6.
When you shower, remember to turn the water off while you soap.
7.
Every time there is a thunderstorm, sit in a wobbly rocking chair
and rock as hard as you can until you are sick!!
8.
Put oil instead of water into a humidifier and then set it to high.
9.
Don’t watch TV, just play DVD’s in the middle of the night. Have
your family vote for the film they would most like to see, and
show a different one.
10.
Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day to
re-create the proper noise levels. (Mandatory for engineers)
11.
Have a paper-boy cut your hair with blunt scissors:
12.
Once a week blow compressed air up through your chimney.
Ensure that the wind carries the soot over onto your neighbour’s
house. When he complains, laugh at him.
13.
Wake up every night at midnight and make a sandwich out of
anything you can find, preferably using stale bread. Optional –
cold soup or ravioli out of a tin.
14.
Produce a weekly menu without checking what’s in the larder or
fridge.
15.
Set your alarm clock to go off at random times
throughout
the
night, when it goes off, leap out of bed, get dressed as fast as
you can and then run into the garden and turn on the garden
hose.
13
16.
Once a month, take every major household appliance completely
apart then re-assemble.
17.
Use four spoons of coffee per cup. Allow to stand three hours
before drinking.
18.
Invite 40 – 50 people who you don’t like to come and stay with you
for 3 months.
19.
Install a small fluorescent light under your coffee table, and then lie
underneath it to read books.
20.
Raise the threshold and lower the top sills of all the doors m your
house. Now you will always either hit your head or skin your
shins when passing through them.
21.
When baking cakes, prop up one side of the tin whilst it is in the
oven. When it has cooled spread icing really thickly on one side
to level it out again.
22.
Every so often, throw your cat in the bath and shout, “man
overboard’’. Then run into the kitchen and sweep all the dishes
and pans onto the floor whilst yelling at your wife for not having
secured for sea.
23.
Nickname your favourite shoes “Steamies”, and then get your
children to hide them around the house on a random basis.
24.
Meticulously plan family trips months in advance, then cancel them an hour
before you set off.
Taken from the Shadow - https://www.hms-penelope.com/
Thank you to Mike Bee for the last few items, I will be posting more in the next
shadow,
Please tell us about your time on the Penny, any funny dits/stories or
anything you would like to be added in any edition of the shadow